Healing the Rift: Reconciling with Estranged Children
As a parent, there’s no pain quite like being estranged from your child. The feeling of being avoided, ignored, or rejected by someone you love and have nurtured can be devastating. I’ve walked this difficult road myself, with my children living on three different continents, and I understand the longing to reconnect.
The Pain of Estrangement
I’ve met many parents who, like the man I met, are heartbroken because their children won’t speak to them. The words “My children never call” or “My daughter has time for everyone else but me” are laced with sadness and regret. It’s a pain that can feel overwhelming, especially during traumatic times like death or divorce.
Giving Space and Time
In these situations, it’s essential to give our children the space and time they need to process their emotions. We may yearn to talk things through, but sometimes that’s not possible. Instead, we should focus on reconciliation rather than resolution. This means letting go of our need for immediate understanding and embracing the journey towards healing.
Finding Strength in God’s Love
The key to reconciliation lies in recognizing that no family member can fulfill our deep-seated need for love and acceptance. Only God can do that. By immersing ourselves in Scripture verses that speak of His love and delight in us (such as Ephesians 3:16-19), we can find the security and confidence to reach out to our children in love.
Praying for Reconciliation
One powerful way to begin the healing process is to pray for each of our children by name, giving thanks for them and their unique qualities. Using Scripture as a guide, such as Colossians 1:9-12, can help us focus our prayers and trust in God’s timing. By being a peace maker and extending love and kindness, we can create an environment conducive to reconciliation.
Celebrating Life’s Milestones
Remembering birthdays and other special occasions can be a thoughtful way to show our children they’re still valued and loved. By keeping the lines of communication open and welcoming them into our homes, we can begin to rebuild bridges and trust.
Trusting in God’s Timing
Reconciliation is a journey that requires patience, faith, and perseverance. It may take months, years, or even decades, but with God’s promise guiding us – “Peace makers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness” (James 3:17, 18) – we can trust that He will bring us together again in His perfect timing.
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