Embracing Realistic Expectations in Marriage
Living in a Broken World
Our marriages exist in a world that doesn’t function as God intended. Every day, we’re touched by the brokenness of our world, whether it’s through low-grade hassles or major life-altering issues. But here’s the truth: none of this is an accident. God has chosen this world for us to live in, and he’s not surprised by what we’re facing.
Understanding God’s Purpose
I believe that understanding our fallen world and God’s purpose for keeping us in it is crucial for building a marriage of unity, understanding, and love. The Bible describes our world as “grieved,” “trials,” and “tested” (1 Pet. 1:6–7). These words should give us pause. They’re instructive and interpretive, revealing that we’ll face grief, trials, and testing in our lives.
Grief, Trials, and Testing
Grief can be momentary pain or long-term mourning. We’ll all face trials we never planned for, and we’ll grieve because of them. But the word “tested” means “tempered” or “refined.” God is using our difficulties to do something in us that couldn’t be done any other way. He’s working on something deep, necessary, and eternal.
A Personal Holiness Paradigm
God has a personal holiness paradigm, which means he’s working through our daily circumstances to change us. He knows we’re not all we were created to be, and that sin gets in the way of what we’re meant to be and do. God is using our difficulties to transform us, to rescue us from ourselves. And because he loves us, he’ll willingly interrupt our momentary happiness to accomplish this.
Hope in the Midst of Difficulty
When we understand God’s paradigm, life makes sense, and we become more hopeful. We realize that our difficulties are not irrational troubles but transforming tools. God is in the middle of our circumstances, molding us into what he created us to be. As he does this, we respond to life better, and we become better people to live with, resulting in a better marriage.
The Reality of Sin in Marriage
We don’t get to be married to someone perfect. We both bring sin into our marriage, which is destructive to what a marriage needs and must do. Most troubles in marriage aren’t intentional or personal; they’re a result of the sin, weakness, and failure of the person we’re living with. If we minimize the heart struggle we both have, we’ll tend to turn moments of ministry into moments of anger.
Ministry in the Midst of Sin
When we see, hear, and experience our spouse’s sin, weakness, or failure, it’s never an accident; it’s always grace. God loves our spouse and is committed to transforming them by his grace, and he’s chosen us to be one of his regular tools of change. So, he’ll cause us to see, hear, and experience our spouse’s need for change so that we can be an agent of his rescue.
Leave a Reply